Today, October 15th, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. It's kind of a depressing "holiday," but an important one to address a topic that is all to common but infrequently addressed. People fall into one of three categories on this one - those who have never experienced pregnancy or infant loss firsthand and hope they never will (I'm not saying that disparagingly at all - of course you would never WANT to experience such a thing and of course there are lots of sub-categories here, but that's a topic for another day), those who have silently suffered such a loss, and those that are public about having lost a baby either in or out of the womb. There's nothing wrong with any of those categories, but the day means different things to each of them. Personally, this blog has helped me move from category number 2 (not that my story was completely unknown, but I just didn't have much to say publicly on the matter) to number 3 over the past year. It's been cathartic for me to share Joy's story, and from what I've witnessed, helpful to others too.
So this year, on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, I have a couple of things to say. First, if you have lost one or more pregnancies or babies, I extend my sincerest condolences. I don't have any sage words for you, but I am happy to listen if you need an ear to chat; if you need someone to understand when you struggle with healthy babies around you and as you mourn what could have been I'm here. I'm not saying it's something you HAVE to talk about, but if you want to talk about it and don't know how or where or with whom to start, I'd be honored to hear about your little one.
When I was carrying Joy, my associate pastor's wife gave me a lovely book that really helped me deal with Joy's loss. It's called "Safe in the Arms of God" by John McArthur. It's a small volume that talks about the theology of the death of a child. As a Christian, I had always hoped/assumed that children who died would go to heaven, and that was enough for me. (I also knew that children who die do not become angels, a common term in the baby loss community that really irks me. People don't become angles! So please don't refer to Joy as my little angel. Okay, stepping off my soap box now. Haha!) But facing the loss of my own child, I wanted something a little more solid to back up that vague idea. In his book, MacArthur makes a compelling Biblical argument to support the idea that all children who die in infancy are saved by the great mercy of God and are safe for eternity in the arms of a loving God. I'd recommend to anyone who has lost a child or as a thoughtful gift to anyone you know walking this difficult road.
Lastly, I want to share another song that has been special to us in our journey. (Yes, that's your cue to break out the tissues.) The song is called "Hello, Goodbye" and is written and performed by Michael W. Smith. I haven't been able to find a ton of background information, but I know that it was written for a friend of Smith's who lost a baby who was just a few days old. The odd part is that this song is on a CD that I had in high school and college. I knew the tune and even the words, but somehow the actual subject matter had never registered in my brain! I will confess that I don't like to listen to this song much anymore, because it was written for (and references) a baby named Noah, which is our younger son's name. But it is still appropriate to share today, for all of those who have lost a child far too soon. I always liked to put Joy's name in the lyrics, although it was not quite the right fit rhythmically. (After about 3 minutes, it gets a little repetitive, so feel free to just listen to the first half.)
