Promise of a Good Outcome

I've been mulling over this blog post for a long time...like years!  I've hesitated to write it, because I don't want it to come off as trite or as religious gobbledygook.  So please read with the following in mind: 1) I truly do believe every word of this, but 2) this is hard to hear/read/accept when you are deep in grief.  So please don't hit your grieving friend over the head with phrases like "this is God's will" or "God will work this to good".  It is (in this fallen world) and He will (eventually) but it is also right to grieve over the brokenness of this world as manifested in people we love leaving this earth too soon.  So here goes...

Throughout college and young adulthood, I often said I would gladly follow God’s will, if only he would give me a banner in the sky letting me know just exactly what His will was.  I still haven't gotten that banner in the sky, but a day and half after Joy’s birth was pretty much as close as it gets.  Our pastor was in the middle of a sermon series about God's promises.  (As a side note, it was inspired by that year's VBS theme - Standing on the Promises of God. Our church rotates themes every 6 years, so that was again this year's VBS theme...part of what made me decide it was finally time to publish this post.  Those 6 years certainly passed quickly!)

Anyway, the sermon was entitled “Promise of a Good Outcome” and was based on Romans 8:28, which says “all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose”.   Now keep in mind that this sermon series was planned at least a couple of months in advance, and Joy was  born two weeks after her due date, so this was not orchestrated by human hands. But "somehow," this happened to be the topic less than two days after Joy's birth.  Here is a link to the audio of the sermon (and I'd love it if you listened to it - it's really good!), but I'm going to quote/summarize parts of it here.

At the beginning of the sermon, Rick announced Joy’s birth and death to the congregation using these words:  “[Explaining first that he had been on vacation and had just arrived back in the office on Saturday afternoon] …the first email that I received was of the announcement of the birth of the newest little one in our congregation – Joy Salesky – who lived for 15 minutes and then she went to be with the Lord. We knew that this would most assuredly be the outcome. Beth and Eric and I had conversations months ago about what was the appropriate actions to take as she was given a number of different options, as you can imagine. But we knew then that if Joy lived for 15 minutes outside of the womb, she would have at least lived for 9 months and 15 minutes. And so Beth and Eric decided that the most loving thing they could do was to provide Joy a safe and a warm place in which to live her 9 months. And then as was expected, after she was delivered she was taken home into eternity.  I have to tell you that causes one to reflect on the points that one might make on the text ‘we know that all things work together for good’…and so since 4:30 yesterday afternoon I’ve been rethinking and reshuffling and making not one change.  And so I share with you these things that help us to wrap our arms around this great promise – ‘all things work together for good for those that love God and are called according to His purposes.”

I didn’t hear this sermon until a few weeks later when it was posted on our church’s website. I hope you will agree that though it’s not quite a banner in the sky, it’s pretty hard to ignore a sermon that has your name in the beginning and goes on to say, “yep, this applies even to you, even in these circumstances.”  Because I’ll admit, the message of this sermon was hard to swallow at such an emotional time.  How could what we had gone through possibly be construed as “good”?   Here's what Rev. Wolling went on to say:

1. Good must be defined by the one is good – God alone is good and he is the one who defines what the good is.  Good is not equated necessarily with what I want or what I or others think I deserve and is not equated with my or others sense of fairness.  We must decide if we approach life with a view from above or view from below - the view from below defines good from my perspective; the view from above begins with God himself. 
2. All that is good declares the glory of God.
3. God’s good for us has its source in His divine sovereignty.  God’s plans are greater than just for us and our lives and perhaps what we’re experiencing is so that God may do His sovereign work in someone else’s life.
4. God’s goodness is over everything all the time – good and bad. 
5. God’s goodness for us often flows out of situations that seem anything but good  Sometimes the simplest, best and most faithful answer we can give to the question“How can any good come from this?” is “God only knows”.   God only knows…but he does know!
6. The ultimate good God has for us is making us more in His image.
7. The cross is the declaration of God’s desire to give us His best – restoration to fellowship with God.
8. The good in a circumstance or situation may be a change in us.
9. Seeing the good in certain things often requires the eyes of faith. 
10. Seeing the good may not happen until eternity: “we may never know” may be the most profound and faithful answer. For now we see as in a glass dimly – we only know in part.

He said all of this much more eloquently, but that's the Cliff Note version for you. 

As I alluded to in the introduction, I’ll admit that sometimes, emotionally, these truths don’t make me feel any better!  In these times, I fall back to the truth that “We may not know or understand the good in a situation until eternity.  Sometimes ‘God only knows’ may be the simplest and best explanation”. I’ve learned that it’s okay not to understand what’s happening.  You've probably heard the analogy of looking at the back of a needlepoint - it's messy and ugly and knotted with dark threads running every which way - it doesn't make sense until you see the other side.  And it's okay to be sad and grief-filled and even angry - this is a broken world in which we reside.

At other times, I realize the truth that the ultimate good in a situation may come from a change in us; from making us more into His image, or even for the change in someone else’s life.  Now 6 years removed (today!) from Joy's birth, I can see ways, small and large, that God is working our loss to His good.  It's hard to articulate all of them, but among other things, Eric and I have been able to support other families going through pregnancy and infant loss, we've grown deeper in our faith, and have come to appreciate even more how precious the lives of our other 3 children (and children in general) are.

So while these words may not bring immediate warm fuzzy feelings to one who is deep in grief (or deep in the muck of everyday "stuff"), they do bring the ultimate and only real comfort and hope.

I pray that these thoughts are a blessing to you in whatever season of life you are facing today, however good or not good it appears on the surface.

Happy birthday, sweet girl!

PS One other small way God is using Joy's life to good is through our annual book drive for Beverly's Birthdays.  If you're interested in donating this year, you can do so here. All donations will be matched 50% by Usborne and 25% by me so every $1 donated is $1.75 in books to help homeless and underprivileged children celebrate their birthdays!