The day started with my (newly) routine 6 a.m. walk. The sky was amazing (though I was hoping the old adage of "red sky in morning, sailor's warning" wasn't true).
After that, I didn't have much of a plan for the day. My fallback was to let the kids watch too much TV so that I could kind of zone out. But this didn't make me feel like a super stellar parent (though there are certainly circumstances where I do this with no guilt). I then remembered how we had found a painted rock at the cemetery last year and that Noah had not one but TWO partially used rock painting kits. So I proposed that we paint rocks - some to keep, and some to hide. Two thirds of my kids were thrilled at this idea, and so off we went. Liam even humored me by volunteering to paint a rock too.
While it's hard to imagine exactly what life with an 8 year old girl would be like, I figure that messy craft projects involving glitter are a safe bet! Here's the aftermath:
And our finished products- can you guess whose is whose? (And if anyone knows Morse code that might be a hint. ha!)
Our family's tradition is to eat pizza and dessert (lately donuts) at Joy's grave. We have lots of pizza lately and I saw an ad for Aladdin's which sounded amazing. Usually the food choice is up to the birthday person, but Joy delegated me as her official proxy so I made the executive decision to switch pizza up for Middle Eastern. Surprisingly, everyone enjoyed it! 
Happy birthday, Joy!
PS If you missed it, for the FIFTH year in a row, we are having a birthday book drive for Joy's birthday. In the past four years, YOU, Joy's family and friends (along with a generous match from Usborne Books & More) have donated over $5,000 of beautiful brand new books to Beverly's Birthdays, which is a Pittsburgh charity that provides birthday parties and gifts for local children in need. Being a family of bookworms, this has been a perfect way to celebrate and remember Joy and pay it forward on her birthday. Five thousand dollars of books - that is incredible and makes me tear up a little!
We were also looking forward to our donuts, but when I went online to order at 2:45, I saw that they close at 3 on Mondays. Whomp whomp. Thankfully our gang is not super particular about treats as long as they are sugary, so Eric saved the day by picking up a pretty cookie cake on his way home.
The littler kids and I placed our rocks, and then we took our normal walk around the cemetery (it really is a pretty place) and hid the rest of our rocks and gave thanks for the cooler breezy day (and lack of rain!).
And Liam as always, was thinking and questioning. He insightfully asked if Noah would exist if Joy had lived. And while it is certainly possible, it's also not likely that we would have planned to have 2 children 16 months apart. This led to an interesting conversation about how we can plan and scheme and dram, but God's plans ultimately prevail, and how we trust that is better in the long run. And also how it is okay to be sad about the fact that Joy is not here with us any more, yet rejoice because in a strange way, her death gave us Noah.
In fact, his question is one I think about often. I often ponder what Joy would be like and what it would be like to have an 8 year old daughter and what our family dynamic would be, but the truth is that we can never really know. Had Joy lived, would Noah be here? Would Kathryn? It's kind of like a twisted time travel novel when you start thinking about it. So while it is fun to indulge my imagination and to feel tenderness when I see an 8 year old girl playing tenderly with a younger sister and picture my two red headed girls in the ir place, I try to rest in the goodness that God has given us in our 3 earthly children and the promise that Joy is with her heavenly Father.
This first one is before we knew how short her life would be, the rest are after her diagnosis. The profile by the wall picture are our classic pregnancy documentation photo.
And that was our birthday celebration - a little different than planned, but very nice overall. It's interesting to the kids' perceptions of the day changes from year to year. Up until recently, Noah and Liam kept telling Kathryn that she had a sister in heaven named Joy, and she was adamant that she didn't...which is totally reasonable for a 2 year old. But with all the "Joy" talk lately, she's starting to accept the idea. I heard her telling Noah after we got home that she has a baby sister called "Joyce" (getting a little confused with the name of her great Aunt perhaps?) and that she made a rock for her. It's kind of confusing for even me - because in some ways Joy will always be a baby, but in reality, she is not in any way Kathryn's "little" sister.
It was really heartwarming to see the effort Noah put into making a "present" for Joy and how excited he was to give it "to her". He loves to make cards and gifts and I was glad to have this outlet for him.
It was really heartwarming to see the effort Noah put into making a "present" for Joy and how excited he was to give it "to her". He loves to make cards and gifts and I was glad to have this outlet for him.
And Liam as always, was thinking and questioning. He insightfully asked if Noah would exist if Joy had lived. And while it is certainly possible, it's also not likely that we would have planned to have 2 children 16 months apart. This led to an interesting conversation about how we can plan and scheme and dram, but God's plans ultimately prevail, and how we trust that is better in the long run. And also how it is okay to be sad about the fact that Joy is not here with us any more, yet rejoice because in a strange way, her death gave us Noah.
(Please note my "choose Joy" shirt!)
In fact, his question is one I think about often. I often ponder what Joy would be like and what it would be like to have an 8 year old daughter and what our family dynamic would be, but the truth is that we can never really know. Had Joy lived, would Noah be here? Would Kathryn? It's kind of like a twisted time travel novel when you start thinking about it. So while it is fun to indulge my imagination and to feel tenderness when I see an 8 year old girl playing tenderly with a younger sister and picture my two red headed girls in the ir place, I try to rest in the goodness that God has given us in our 3 earthly children and the promise that Joy is with her heavenly Father.
After the kids were in bed, Eric and I usually look at Joy's pictures and listen to her memorial service. I was really dragging my feet starting the process, and was fine as we looked at maternity pictures. But as we started to look at pictures of her and her birth, it was too much for me. We had such a peaceful, dare I say, fun day, and at that moment, those pictures were heartbreaking. After celebrating her place in our family and in our memory, I couldn't bear to look at her obviously broken body. Eric, being the wise and kind husband that he is, sagely pointed out that just because it was our tradition, we didn't have to look at the pictures if we didn't want to and that perhaps it was better to save them for another, less emotionally-charged day. And he was right! (See Eric, it's in writing. :) ) It is tempting to feel a slave to tradition or what I feel I "should" do to honor Joy, but we truly had a day of celebrating her life yesterday, and it was perfect. So I will end this post the same way we ended our evening - with a few pictures of her 42 weeks in utero, happy and safe and loved!
This first one is before we knew how short her life would be, the rest are after her diagnosis. The profile by the wall picture are our classic pregnancy documentation photo.
The night before I was induced! Can you tell I'm tired of being pregnant?
Happy birthday, Joy!
PS If you missed it, for the FIFTH year in a row, we are having a birthday book drive for Joy's birthday. In the past four years, YOU, Joy's family and friends (along with a generous match from Usborne Books & More) have donated over $5,000 of beautiful brand new books to Beverly's Birthdays, which is a Pittsburgh charity that provides birthday parties and gifts for local children in need. Being a family of bookworms, this has been a perfect way to celebrate and remember Joy and pay it forward on her birthday. Five thousand dollars of books - that is incredible and makes me tear up a little!
So please consider this your official invitation to participate in Joy's Fifth annual Birthday Book Bash. All donations are matched at 65% so that every dollar donated results in $1.65 of books to help celebrate Pittsburgh area children's birthdays. Ways to participate:
- easiest way: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/bethsalesky
- the cheapest way (no fees): PayPal me at beth.salesky@gmail.com (make sure to choose friends and family)
- the old-fashioned way: contact me and let me know if you'd like to mail me a check
As it is Joy's 8th birthday, I'd love it if we can raise at least $800 to donate to Beverly's Birthdays.
