"Celebrating" Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Today, October 15, is a day nationally recognized as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Whew - that's a mouthful!  

We actually didn't do anything special to celebrate, not even participating in the "wave of light" at 7 pm as I had planned.  At first, I felt kind of guilty.  But then I as I thought about it, I realized that we had celebrated the day in a perfect way.  What did we do?  We spent a beautiful autumn day at the pumpkin patch and corn maze.  We laughed, enjoyed being together, and had a really great time as a family.  Each of the boys picked a small pumpkin from the patch, which go perfectly with the little pumpkin I just got for Joy.

When I think about it, this is kind of how we try to remember and celebrate Joy in our daily lives.  And though he has plenty of faults, I am so proud of how Liam does this in such a natural way on a regular basis.  Any time there is a family based project at school, he always remembers and includes her - this week it was an ice cream cone that they added one paper scoop for each family member. Sure enough, Liam's cone had 5 scoops.  Whenever someone asks about how many kids we have, he is quick to include her (even sometimes when it is comical, like when we are paying for admission somewhere).  He proudly shows off pictures of "my baby sister" when new people come to our home. A few weeks ago, we were going to be near the cemetery where Joy is buried with some spare time. Liam repeatedly asked if we could go see Joy. We actually ended up taking our lunch there and having a beautiful picnic with Joy - all on the prompting of our sweet boy.  He is natural but genuine in the way he incorporates his sister's memory into our lives. 

We have a lovely little "Joy bear" made by Molly Bears in the exact weight Joy was when she was born.  She has a special place of honor on a shelf in our room, but always comes down to join us for family photos.  We just had the boys' picture taken this past week, and I love how gently they treated "her" and seeing how sweet the pictures turned out. 

Of course, having a stuffed bear in a picture in no way makes up for the not having a sweet (or spicy) 4 year old red head in that picture.  But it truly warms my heart to see how these two are so proud and happy to remember their baby sister in this day and on a regular basis.

There is definitely a time and place to take a moment to be silent and remember our little ones who are gone to soon, and I will try to light my candle next October 15.  However, I think the best way to remember these babies (either our own children or those of friends and family) is to live life well - full of *joy* and love with whomever God has placed around you; to celebrate them in the small daily moments and incorporate them into family traditions and special moments.  And I'm thankful for another curly red-head who leads our family to do just that.