(If you haven't read part i, start here.) Now that you've heard about how Joy came into the world, I wanted to share some little details that were evidence to me that God was at work in the midst of this difficult situation.
Throughout my pregnancy, I was concerned about the medical team that would be caring for Joy and me. I had read accounts of other mothers carrying babies who were "incompatible with life" whose medical providers did not agree with their decision and did not treat them with much care or compassion. However, I can honestly say that I did not encounter one instance of this throughout my pregnancy and delivery, and for that I am grateful. While I was (and am) confident in my decision to carry Joy, I think it would have been heard to deal with someone to be hostile or uncaring towards her. So though I don't know if everyone I came in contact with agreed personally with my decision, I never felt like I was looked down upon for my decision to carry her. In fact, most of my providers treated me with care and compassion. I never had to wait in the waiting room full of happy, expectant mothers - they always called me back to an exam room immediately (much to the chagrin of everyone who was there before me!). The midwives always gave me an extra-long listen to Joy's heartbeat and treated her just like they would any other baby. They were concerned about me physically and emotionally. I couldn't have asked for better care.
Leading up to the delivery itself, I had asked my friends and family to pray specifically for the medical team who would be caring for us. I had met and liked most of the midwives in my practice, but really wanted someone with more experience and wisdom to handle my birth. When I walked in for my induction, I found out that Helen* was the midwife on call. Helen is the most experienced midwife in the group, with years of experience delivering babies in many different circumstances. I asked her how long she would be there and who was on call next, and she said that she would be here "until this baby is born"! If you know anything about our modern medical system, that's incredible! And so she was there from the being of labor until the end. Helen has a somewhat matter-of-fact personality that was perfect for our emotional situation. She was supportive and kind and our advocate during the whole birth process.
I often say that the nurses you have matter just as much (or more) than the actual doctor or midwife. Again, our prayers were answered with Nurse Joan*. Our whole birth team had been prepped in advance, and during a rare quiet moment when it was just Joan and I in the room, she told me that she was "honored to be caring for you and Joy" and then continued to tell me a personal story about her own life that she said she had never told anyone in the hospital. True to her word, she treated Joy and I with care and compassion. Joan's shift was scheduled to end at 7, but she "just happened" to have her shift extended and she ended up being there when Joy was born and was the one to weigh and measure her and bathe her and take her back and forth from the operating room for her organ donation (more on that another day). When Joan left, she handed us off to Jessica*. We weren't under her care for very long, but she made a big impression. She took care of me after Joy's birth, and said a beautiful prayer with us after she took us up to my post-partum room.
Another huge prayer request was for the birth itself, and for Joy to be born alive. She was born naturally (no c-section, no pain meds) and was delivered right into my arms with Eric looking on, in the same way my two boys were (or would be). Our family got to meet her immediately. Although the birth wasn't enjoyable per se, it was all I could have asked for. And as you know, Joy was indeed born alive. If I'm being honest, this part is a little hard for me, because though she was "alive" she wasn't full of life. She didn't cry or open her eyes or even breathe. Her skin was rather dark because of the lack of oxygen (not uncommon with babies at birth, but she never "pinked up".) Occasionally I wonder "should I have prayed for something more or more specific? Asked for an hour or a day or a week?". But even a week or a month would not have been enough - I think that anytime you bury a child, after 1 day of life or 40 years, it's "not enough" time with them - it's just not the proper order of life. Though I would have liked more time with her and for her to be more full of life, most of the time I am content knowing that Joy's 10 minutes were just what God ordained for her and for us.
This last little detail still gets me every time I think about it. A little backstory: I tend to be a person who looks on the bright side of things and tries to find the positive in any situation. So one day after Joy's diagnosis, I was wondering if she would look like Liam. My mind wandered and I wondered if she would have red curly hair. Suddenly, I realized that she would most likely not have ANY hair because of the opening on her head. For some reason, this just crushed me. I kept my chin up for this most part during my pregnancy, but this was devastating; I sobbed and sobbed. I don't think I dwelled on it much after that, but those moments came rushing back to me when Joy was born, as we immediately noticed that she was born with red curly hair! The opening on her head was rather large, but from ear to ear all around the bottom of her head, she had long-ish curly red hair. This is particularly amazing considering that both boys were born with just a little red fuzz and didn't have much hair to speak of until they were at least a year old! I felt like it was a little gift from God - His way of saying that He was with us, and that she was His child and our child. (I mean I knew she was our child, but it was a physical sign that she had the Salesky trademark; she belonged to our family no matter how shortly she would be a part of it physically.)
In everyday life, I confess that I am far too quick to attribute things to coincidence or "good luck" or just not to think about their source at all. I definitely do not regularly reflect on the fact that the thousands of small blessings of life come from the "giver of all good things". That's not a good mindset for a believer to have, but it does mean that I'm not speaking lightly when I saw that I truly believe that God answered our prayers regarding even the small details of Joy's birth. Furthermore, He was present in ways that we didn't even think to ask about (the red hair). I think that's why the red hair is so precious to me - I suppose you could look at the medical care I received and say "that's just the way the hospital scheduling played out - how fortunate." and so on. But in my eyes, there's no way you can attribute long curly red hair to anything but the hands of a gracious and compassionate God.
*Names have been changed in some kind of weird reverse-HIPAA protection of privacy. :)
Love your post sharing Joy in so many ways!
ReplyDelete