Do Not Worry

Before I go any further, I wanted to give the disclaimer that I'm not telling this whole story to brag on myself or trumpet our decision.   I hope it never comes across that way. I'm just sharing it because I kind of feel called to.  I also don't want to be called "brave" - many people have referred to me in that way, and my response is always that I would only be brave if I asked God to give me a baby that wouldn't live.  Since I didn't choose this adventure, I don't think the brave label applies here. 

Moving on...one of the first lessons I learned after Joy's diagnosis was the futility of worry.  As soon as I found out I was pregnant with baby #2, my mind started racing with the logistics of having two kids. Liam was not a good sleeper at the time, so I remember sitting with him while he fell asleep, wondering how in the world I would do this with a little baby who needed me too.  I also vividly remember planning, as I was trying on bridesmaid dresses for a wedding to be held a few months after baby was born, how I would pump and feed my little one during the wedding. 

Little did I know how insignificant, even ridiculous, those worries would seem a few months later. Looking back at what seemed to be big concerns, the words of Matthew 6:34 kept ringing through my head: "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself."  I'm not suggesting that there is not a place for planning and preparation for the future, but there is definitely a fine line between planning and worrying.   After Joy was born, I often thought of those worries and how happy I would be to trying to juggle a baby and a toddler, or sneaking off to pump in a reception hall restroom. It's all a matter of perspective! 

Since having Joy, I've learned to live in and enjoy the present, knowing that I do not know what tomorrow will bring.  I don't mean to sound fatalistic, as if I'm waiting for the next tragedy. Instead, I am just trying to embrace God's good gifts today.  At this point in my life, that means enjoying the children I do have and the stage they're currently in without fretting about things which may or may not come over which I have no control.  This attitude could explain why my 15 month old son still does not sleep through the night, but it also helps explain why, for the most part, I just enjoy our night time cuddles and don't fret about losing a bit of sleep. Of course I'm not perfect in this area, but I have learned just to kiss that soft downy head and relish our quiet moments together.  

Thoughts? (By the way, I know some of you were having trouble leaving comments, so I changed the settings and you won't have to sign in to comment, unless I start getting a lot of spam.)